When Your Body Won’t Switch Off: Understanding and Regulating the Nervous System

Have you ever reached the end of a busy day, finally sat down — and realised that although you’ve stopped, your body hasn’t?
Your mind is still racing.
Your shoulders are tight.
You’re tired, but somehow wired.
You might find yourself checking your phone, thinking about tomorrow, replaying conversations or mentally working through problems that don’t need to be solved tonight.
For many people, this becomes so normal that they stop noticing it.
Over the years, I’ve worked with many people who seem to live this way. They are capable, responsible and often very good at getting things done. But underneath that productivity there can be a nervous system that rarely gets the message that it is safe to slow down.
And I suspect many of us — myself included at different times — can become accustomed to functioning on stress.

Your stress response is not the enemy
Our nervous system is designed to protect us.
When the brain detects a threat or significant challenge, the body activates a stress response. The sympathetic nervous system helps prepare us for action, while hormones including adrenaline and cortisol help mobilise energy and increase alertness.
Heart rate may increase. Breathing can become faster. Muscles tighten. Attention narrows.
This is often described as the fight-or-flight response.
In genuine danger, this is an extraordinary survival mechanism.
The problem is that modern life can repeatedly activate the same system even when we are not facing physical danger. Work pressure, financial concerns, relationship difficulties, illness, uncertainty, constant notifications, deadlines and persistent worrying can all contribute to a state of heightened stress.
Short-term stress is normal and can even be useful. Problems are more likely to arise when the stress response is being activated frequently and the body has too little opportunity to recover.

When being “switched on” becomes normal
One of the difficulties with chronic stress is that we adapt to it.
We may begin to mistake tension for normality.
Some common experiences include:

• feeling exhausted but unable to relax
• constantly thinking about what needs to be done next
• irritability or impatience
• difficulty concentrating
• shallow or rapid breathing
• muscle tension
• trouble sleeping
• feeling restless when doing nothing
• reaching automatically for stimulation such as phones, television, food or work
• finding holidays or quiet weekends strangely uncomfortable

Sometimes people say, “I don't know how to relax anymore.”
That may be closer to the truth than they realise.
After spending a long time responding to demands, the nervous system can become very accustomed to vigilance.

Regulation doesn’t mean being calm all the time
The goal is not to eliminate stress.
Nor is it realistic — or even desirable — to spend our whole lives in a perfectly relaxed state.
A healthy nervous system is flexible.
It can mobilise us when something requires our attention and then gradually return towards rest and recovery once the challenge has passed.
That ability to move between activation and recovery is an important part of regulation.
Rather than asking, “How do I never feel stressed?”, a more useful question may be:
“How can I help my body recognise when the threat has passed?”

There are several surprisingly simple ways to begin.
1. Slow your breathing
Breathing is one of the few functions of the autonomic nervous system that we can consciously influence.
When we are stressed, breathing often becomes faster and shallower.
Deliberately slowing the breath can help shift autonomic activity towards a more settled state. Research on slow breathing suggests it can influence heart-rate variability and parasympathetic activity, particularly when practised regularly.
You don't need a complicated technique.
Try breathing gently in through the nose and allowing the exhale to be slightly slower and longer.
For example:
Breathe in gently for around four seconds.
Breathe out slowly for around six seconds.
Continue comfortably for a few minutes.
The aim is not to force an enormous breath. It is simply to slow things down.
Even a few minutes can create a noticeable change for some people, and breathing exercises tend to be most useful when they become part of a regular routine rather than something we remember only when overwhelmed.

2. Move your body
The stress response prepares us for action.
Yet much of modern stress occurs while we are sitting still — in front of computers, in cars, in meetings or lying awake thinking.
Movement gives the body another way to process that activation.
It doesn't have to mean an intense workout.
Walking outside, stretching, gardening, swimming or other comfortable physical activity can all help reduce some of the emotional intensity associated with stress.
Sometimes a twenty-minute walk is more useful than another twenty minutes trying to think your way out of a problem.

3. Reduce unnecessary stimulation
Many of us finish a stressful day and then immediately give our nervous system more stimulation.
News.
Emails.
Social media.
Television.
Messages.
More information.
None of these things is necessarily a problem individually, but a nervous system that has been processing demands all day sometimes needs less input rather than more.
Experiment with periods of genuine quiet.
Put the phone down.
Go outside.
Sit somewhere without trying to achieve anything.
Listen to music.
Have a shower.
Spend time with someone whose company feels easy.
The body often needs repeated experiences of safety and stillness before slowing down begins to feel natural again.

4. Pay attention to the basics
When people are overwhelmed, the basics are often the first things to disappear.
Sleep becomes irregular.
Meals are rushed.
Exercise stops.
Alcohol increases.
Time outside decreases.
Relationships receive whatever energy is left over.
Unfortunately, these are also some of the foundations that help us cope with stress.
Regular sleep routines, physical activity, nutritious food, time outdoors and supportive social connection won't remove every problem in life, but they improve the conditions in which the nervous system has to manage those problems.

5. Notice the thoughts that keep the alarm running
Sometimes the stressful event has finished, but our minds continue it.
We replay what happened.
We imagine what might happen tomorrow.
We construct conversations that haven't occurred.
We predict worst-case outcomes.
The body can respond to those thoughts as though the threat is still present.
This doesn't mean simply telling yourself to “think positively.”
It means learning to notice:
Is there actually something I need to deal with right now — or is my mind keeping me inside a problem that isn't happening in this moment?
Mindfulness can be useful here because it helps us notice thoughts without automatically following every one of them. Evidence suggests mindfulness practices can reduce stress and anxiety for some people and can affect both psychological and physiological responses to stress.

6. Build recovery into your day — not just your holidays
One of the biggest mistakes we can make is expecting an annual holiday to compensate for fifty weeks of relentless pressure.
Recovery works better in smaller, regular doses.
Five quiet minutes between appointments.
Lunch away from your desk.
A walk at the end of the day.
A morning without immediately reaching for your phone.
Time with people you enjoy.
A hobby that has absolutely nothing to do with productivity.
A few slow breaths before walking through the front door.
These moments can seem insignificant, but collectively they send a powerful message:
Not everything is an emergency.
You may have become very good at surviving
Some of the most stressed people I have met are also some of the most competent.
They learnt to keep going.
Solve the problem.
Meet the deadline.
Look after everyone.
Push through fatigue.
Move onto the next challenge.
Those abilities can take us a long way.
But eventually there may be another skill to learn:
how to stop.
How to recover.
How to allow the body to come out of constant readiness.
And perhaps even how to recognise that slowing down is not laziness or weakness.
Sometimes it is exactly what allows us to become stronger again.
If you have been living in a heightened state of stress for a long time, you don't have to change everything at once.
Start with something small.
A slower breath.
A short walk.
Ten minutes without your phone.
An earlier night.
A conversation with someone you trust.
The nervous system learns through repetition.
And sometimes recovery begins simply by giving your body more moments in which it can discover:
Right now, I am safe enough to stop fighting.


Peter Conna is a Coach and Counsellor based on the Gold Coast, supporting people experiencing stress, anxiety, depression, relationship challenges and significant life transitions. Telehealth appointments are also available across Australia.